Inappropriate 'Hanky Panky'

Morning :)  Need some advice...

Have a small luxury B&B in a bush/rainforest location.  We are getting guests that are doing some things that (lets just say) are inappropriate in our garden areas at night. Yes we have beautiful stars, beautiful skies, big fireplaces but there are some things that even the wallabies don't need to see!

Safe to say it isn't the first time and it certainly makes breakfast service awkward in the morning.  We promote ourselves as 'adults only' but only in the respect we dont have kids running around the property.  It's the place to come to escape the kids.

Gawd forbid the day comes when another guest catches them at it.  But it's not only that, they drag our furniture cushions out for comfort, our lap blankets are always full of grass and burs, the picnic rugs need washing simply for hygeine purposes (which are a pain in the butt I might add).

So...question - is it ok to put a Hanky Panky heading in our room guide books?  To give you an idea our room guides are frequently talked about.  They are written tongue in cheek with a great sense of humour and the guest have a laugh reading them.  I think I could write this with a lighter side.  We're all grown ups so I get it but I cant be wrong when I think this is our home, our furniture & it is just kinda inappropriate.

Or am I being an old fuddy duddy? 

& p.s. if it was only once I probably wouldn't be asking this!

Isle of Wight …

There's nothing "fuddy duddy" about it when it comes to being your own home! Yes, if you want to, then put something in your guides. You might also like to add an extra charge for cleaning the blankets and rugs if used like that, or deduct it from damage deposits - perfectly fair and reasonable.


Alternatively .... there's obviously something special about your place that is getting people "in the mood". You could go with it. With some careful planting, you can create secluded areas with their own seating and have blankets and rugs for "night time garden use hire". Then double your prices and tweak your marketing and hire a manager ....


LOL, hadn't thought about it from that angle :)  Thanks for the thoughts!



Our property is also "Adults only". Best decision we've made. :)

But does it really happen on such a regular basis? Or is this one case per month? What I've learned through years that most people have manners and they have an insight are respectfull.. Those usually don't need no signs.. Those small majority people that don't care, usually don't read the signs anyway.. We had written all kind of restrictions all over the place, what is not allowed ect.. Once I've got a negative review because of those "signs". Well now I removed most of the signs, and I really don't see any difference with the signs or without. Most guests are OK. If you feel it's happening too often, you wont hurt anyones feelings with a cool sign with a touch of humor. :)     


I know exactly what you mean about the rules and regs.  Try really hard not to go that way too.  & you're right, most guests are awesome :)


I like the second part of the answer Isle of Wight … gave you, why swim against the current. You obviously have a market niche there, sell it!

For your guide book, maybe the title...."Ardour in the arbour..." ( certainly better than 'arder in the 'arbour ;-)  down fido! ).

You could have some simple salas in the favourite spots that could be rented at a reasonable rate, kitted out as necessary with easy clean items. Then make it clear friskiness in the open grounds is frowned upon by the wildlife, whose attention you may not wish to attract!



Love that.  Unfortunately between the drought not letting anything grow and the funny way the acquostics bounce around the hills (how they always get busted) not sure it'll work.  But Ardour in the Arbour - love it!  Thanks :)